An early draft of the London 2012 Opening Ceremony has come into insidethegames' possession

The draft includes a number of handwritten annotations mainly signed 'DB'; these are reproduced in italics.

9pm sharp. The Great Olympic Bell tolls. BONG, BONG...

Cue London 2012 Opening Ceremony (applause)

Sir Trevor: "And finally...

"Oranges and lemons say the bells of St Clement's..."

As Sir Trevor reads the words of the children's rhyme, which have been modified to capture the Olympic spirit, church bells across the city of London begin to peal out.

By the time the last line - "I do not know, says Sebastian Coe" – is reached, every bell from Heathrow to Harlow is ringing. [Muezzins? DB]

9.10pm The main stage rises up from the centre of the stadium to reveal Pink Floyd, the great British rock band, who play the song Time from Dark Side of the Moon, the great British rock album.

As they play, children from East London schools act out the lyrics; on the line, "No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun", they are joined by Usain Bolt.

Meanwhile, a giant plastic pig floats slowly into position above the stadium. [Memo to self: Get Dave to tweak that line "Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way". Too close to the bone...DB]

9.15pm As Gilmour sings "The tolling of the iron bell...softly spoken magic spells" we realise that the Great Olympic Bell has indeed started tolling again.

9.16pm Lights down. Silence. Spotlight on the figure of Caliban (actually David Tennant), who addresses Olympic dignitaries: "Be not afeard. The isle is full of noises..."

As he speaks, children from East London schools appear and cavort around the arena waving the Official Caliban Puppet ™, available in Official Olympic Merchandise Outlets from tomorrow.

An Underworld soundtrack, incorporating blaring horns, sirens, pneumatic drills etc, starts to play.

9.20pm and 12 seconds [See what we've done there? DB] As Caliban/Tennant declaims "I cried to dream again", the procession of great British institutions begins.


Pink Floyd provide the soundtrack – Wish You Were Here, Another Brick in the Wall and so on.

The procession includes:

- Arthurian knights [Antonio is requesting exclusively black horses. Seems harmless enough. DB]

- Eton College schoolboys [actually children from East London schools in costume]

- Bobbies on the beat (from the forces which won a clean sweep of Olympic Tug-of-War medals at the London 1908 Games).

- Posties waving sheets of Official Gold Medal Winners stamps ™, available from tomorrow

- NHS nurses [Lansley assures me he can find at least half- a-dozen who can be trusted not to use the occasion to protest against his bill. DB]

- Bank of England [May need re-thinking if Euro-zone collapses. Too provocative?]

- The obligatory London bus, open-topped, with proverbial 'Man on the Clapham Omnibus' (in this case, the member of the London 2012 backroom team who came up with all those useless but endearing London bus-related stats) waving from the upper deck.

9.45pm sharp. Athletes' procession starts. [To prevent viewing figures from imploding, this MUST be kept moving briskly. To that end, as well as the upbeat Underworld soundtrack...]

Each team to be led by a man in unkempt blond wig riding a penny-farthing bicycle. [As luck would have it, the Coventry factory where penny-farthings were made was called "Ariel". Ariel/Caliban. Geddit? Doncha love it when a plan comes together!? DB]

[Memo to self: Don't order the wigs yet. We may need to rethink some of this in light of the result of the London mayoral election on May 3.]


By convention, the Greek team is first to enter the stadium [Apparently the Germans want them to go up to the crowd rattling collecting buckets to help pay for the 2004 opening ceremony. What do we think? DB]

11.59pm (Following all the solemn Olympic pageantry) Cue Sir Trevor McDonald (applause). 

Sir Trevor: "And finally..."

12 Midnight. The Great Olympic Bell chimes twelve times.

As the twelfth chime dies, the Olympic torch arrives in the stadium, carried by...Ariel, Shakespeare's "airy spirit", or in this case the Procter and Gamble employee who did most to lift the company's profit margins in 2011, as assessed by an internal global competition.

[For pete's sake, make sure the costume doesn't look too much like a packet of Excel Gel. DB]

As the cauldron is lit, "Ariel" turns to the crowd and speaks a single word: "Brrrrrilliant!"

David Owen worked for 20 years for the Financial Times in the United States, Canada, France and the UK. He ended his FT career as sports editor after the 2006 World Cup and is now freelancing, including covering the 2008 Beijing Olympics and 2010 World Cup. Owen's Twitter feed can be accessed by clicking here.