Firstly, I am impressed that he had the presence of mind to correctly identify his assailant.

It used to be said that Britain was a nation of harriers. As far as I recall, it has never been said that Britain is a nation of harriers being harried by harriers.

Of course it might not have been a harrier. It might have been another kind of hawk. Or it might not have been a hawk. Maybe it was a falcon. Or a kite. Or a buzzard. Or an ostrich.

No, not an ostrich. They can’t fly.

But whatever, it was clearly a bird. And it drew blood. Nasty. Hitchcock nasty.

My friend said he was now thinking of going back to his old running route. Some callous soul tweeted back: “Are you a man or a mouse?”

And there were one or two other less-than-serious responses to his ordeal. But I always think it’s important that we can laugh in the face of others’ distress. Call it a part of being human, if you like.

Let’s look on the bright side. It might have been worse for my friend. He might have been attacked by an alligator. Or a skunk. Or a mountain lion.

And if so, he would not have been the first runner to suffer such a fate.

Last October, Men’s Running magazine ran a story inspired by the unfortunate experience of its editor, David Castle, who was attacked by a ram while out on a run and suffered a broken rib before two passers-by distracted the animal by shouting, enabling the battered editor to make his escape.

The resulting article detailed possible scenarios based on animals known to have attacked runners, and included advice.

Should you ever find yourself running towards a ram in a field, for instance, you should know that these animals are “Strong, surprisingly heavy and incredibly determined,” and that they can cause “serious injury or even death.”

Rams are most likely to attack during the breeding season – between September and November – when you are likely to be seen as a potential rival.

If a ram stares directly at you and gives out a “baa” then you are free to start worrying. These are Warning Signs.

As for How Best to Avoid an Attack – “The best way to avoid a ram attack is not to get anywhere near it in the first place.”

You can’t argue with that.

Then there are dogs. I’ve encountered dodgy dogs on runs myself. And sometimes dodgy dogs have encountered me on runs.

So I can fully endorse the Warning Signs offered by the article in these circumstances: “Any dog snarling, growling and baring its teeth should be given a wide berth.”

The instinct to carry on running, only faster, and away, should be resisted. That only encourages a dog. What one is told to do in such cases is to make oneself rigid and motionless, and to avoid eye contact. Imagine you’re in a Chemistry lesson.

The downside of this – and I speak as an owner of two dogs – is that giving the appearance of a statue might invite a particular kind of territorial marking.

Runners in worrying encounters with animals of various kinds are often advised to start talking in order to reassure the feral creature involved that they are neither potential love-rivals nor prey.

If you ever find yourself engaging a fierce dog in conversation, try this joke: “What’s the best thing about sausages? Eating them!!!” It may save your bacon.

Of course, in order to be attacked by an alligator, a skunk or a mountain lion, my friend would need ideally be in the United States. I say ideally. You know what I mean. No offence.

Runners World magazine recently invited its US readers to share stories of animal assailants encountered in off-road running, and compiled a minatory list – complete with advice, of course.

The key thing to remember in the event you encounter an alligator is that you are better off being a sprinter than a marathon runner. What you need to do here – make a mental note of this – is to Run Away As Fast As You Can. Got that? Not Towards. Away.

Skunks? Well, the thing here is to watch out for them dancing. They do that before they spray you. Again, the “best trick” here is to “simply run away.”

But that is not the best trick if you encounter a Mountain Lion. In such cases you are enjoined to talk to the animal in a “calm, clear voice” so it realises you’re not a deer, and to make yourself look “as big as possible.”

Suggested topics for your chat, then, might include how you can drink beer all night without getting drunk, or how you eat whole apples, including the core. Don’t come out with something like “Oh please don’t eat me!” This betrays fear and weakness. Just pretend you’re on a night out with the boys.

Anyway, this momentous thing about world sport. What FIFA and the IOC need to do if they are to ensure fair and equal competition for all future generations is to…

What they need to do is to…make sure they always…I mean, to make sure they never…

No, sorry. It’s gone. I’ll have to get back to you.