The 28-year-old from Mullingar tested positve for the blood-boosting drug erythropoietin (EPO).during an out-of-competition test at his training base in the United States last month.

He is due to appear before a hearing in Dublin tomorrow where he can expect to be banned for two years.

Fagan claimed that a combination of depression, financial worries and injury had led to his decision to take the banned drug on one occasion.

"I remember, injecting it, thinking this is how the junkie feels," Fagan told the Irish Times.

"This is how low I've let myself go.

"That's when I realised I just shouldn't be in this position that it's telling me someting that I really do need help."

Fagan claims he was tested the day after he took EPO for the only time.

He had ordered it off the internet.


Fagan was on course to qualify for London 2012 at the Chicago Marathon last October when he dropped out in the final mile. 

"If I'd only got to the line, I could have run sub-2 hours 12min and a London qualifier," he said.

"Instead I got nothing out. No money.

"A DNF (Did Not Finish) next to my name.

"And no one cared.

"The final nail in the coffin really.

"I'm not looking for forgiveness, or understanding.

"I'm just looking to make people aware that this can be a reality, and I think can happen in any sport, because of the pressures that can be there.

"And that I think the stigma is also there, that it's hard for any athlete to come out and say they're suffering from depression.

"I got myself into a position where I should have talked with someone, but I just kept it all inside.

"I think some runners just do that, put on this brave front, look at the next race and think everything will be okay, once I get through that.

"I put my health second, and my livelihood first.

"It's still not easy to talk about, even in the position I'm in now, because I've always felt the taboo, about mental health, depression.

"I didn't know how to reach out, and didn't feel I'd anyone to reach out to.

"I just know now that I should have." 

Contact the writer of this story at [email protected]


Related stories
January 2012: Irish marathon runner set to miss London 2012 after positive drugs test