Sport and branding. Sometimes they go together like salt and pepper; sometimes like soap and pepper. Ask the Socceroos. On second thoughts, best not to ask right now.

The nickname of Socceroos has hung around the collective neck of Australian football ever since 1967, when a Sydney journalist named Tony Horstead had the notion of conflating a sport with a symbolic animal (don't try this at home).

It probably seemed like a good idea at the time. But think of the consequences if bright sparks acted in a similar fashion worldwide. England might be the Footybulldogs. France might be Les escargots de foot.

Don't be a fool. Just put the thought down and walk away.

And as if forthcoming World Cup finals in Brazil weren't bad enough for Australia - their qualifying group features Chile, the Netherlands and defending champions Spain – well, now look what's happened.

The team will travel throughout the finals in a bus emblazoned with a slogan that the Melbourne Herald Sun has described as "the lamest of all time".

Australia's Socceroos line up before last November's friendly against Costa Rica. At this point, none of them knew the awful slogan they were doomed to carry around Brazil ©Getty Images

Sit in a chair with enough support to prevent you falling off when you scoff. Or if you are Australian, and haven't yet heard, make sure you have a punchable cushion to hand.

Here is the Aussie slogan: "Socceroos: Hopping our way into history!!"

Just popping my practical criticism hat on for a moment - given the strength of their qualifying group this suggests that Australia are heading jauntily for the plughole.

But let others with more just cause for resentment speak. Twitter was alive with the sound of Aussie pain in the wake of this lexical atrocity.

"What idiot came up with that for the bus slogan?" - @neilsherwin

"I do not have words. I didn't think there were depths of banality BELOW 'Ozzie Ozzie Ozzie'" - @faintsaint1

"Wow! Many cringe!  Such slogan! Amaze! Much awful..." - @KevinAyers442

"Who was the Muppet who came up with our slogan for the World Cup? Hopping our way to world embarrassment for sure" - @GerryGannon

In answer to your agonised question, Gerry - you did. Or at least, your fellow Australian supporters did, according to the online site advertising the competition run by the official suppliers of team buses for the imminent World Cup, Hyundai.

Official Hyundai transport prepares to go into action ahead of the 2006 World Cup finals ©Bongarts/Getty Images

"The 'Be There With Hyundai' contest is your chance to be the ultimate fan by coming up with a slogan for your national team of choice at the 2014 FIFA World Cup", the site announced back in October before opening online voting in February.

"The winning slogans will be placed on the respective team buses, ensuring that the winners' words will travel with their official national teams every step of their journey at the 2014 FIFA World Cup."

So there will be no getting away from this absurdity for the national team of Australia (a little piece of silver lining for Lucas Neill, the 36-year-old former captain of the team who just failed to make the cut for the squad). That said, this marketing process has ensured that others will share their pain.

The bad news for Australia's 36-year-old former captain Lucas Neill was that he did not make the squad for the 2014 World Cup finals. The good news was he wouldn't have to ride around Brazil in a bus with an embarrassing slogan on its side ©Getty Images

The hosts, for instance, will travel with the excitable and frankly suggestive admonition: "Brace yourselves! The 6th is coming!" One presumes this refers to the fact that they have already won the trophy five times.

The Ivory Coast logo has a touch of Socceroo about it: "Elephants charging towards Brazil!" Begging the question of what they will do when they arrive.

And there are echoes of the old "Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!" in Chile's "Chi! Chi! Chi! Le! Le! Le! Viva Chile!"

The French slogan - "Impossible n'est pas Francais" (Impossible is not a French word) - is, frankly, wrong. "Impossible" is a French word.

Top marks for banality go to South Korea - "Enjoy it, Reds!"

And given the rumbling over financial misdealing which has accompanied their recent massive impact in terms of hosting major sports events, the Russian slogan "No one can catch us" is unfortunate.

Italy, meanwhile, will operate under the moniker: "Let's paint the FIFA World Cup dream blue." Makes no sense at all.

The US effort is simply concerning - "United by team, driven by passion." Let's hope passion keeps his eyes on the road.

Not every slogan merits a cringe, to be fair.

The Netherlands, always cool, have a suitable phrase: "Real men wear orange."

England's effort - "The dream of one team, the heartbeat of millions!!" – is almost stirring. Almost.

"One Nation, One Team, One Dream!" does the same job, but more efficiently. Yes of course it's the German slogan.

Work underway at the Sao Paulo venue ahead of the 2014 World Cup finals ©Getty Images

The Socceroos abomination has provoked some in Oz to suggest alternatives, the best of which was probably the Twitter offering from @kazonis, who suggested the Aussie bus should carry the following words: "Let's just park it."

Is it too late to change the Socceroo slogan? Yes of course it is - but that doesn't eradicate the desire to suggest other options.

Just in case there is a late shift, may I run the following up the flagpole to see if anyone at Hyundai salutes them?

"Socceroos: A triumph of hop over experience!"

"Socceroos: Hoppers of the world unite!"

"Socceroos: Travelling in hop rather than expectation!"

"Socceroos: The power of hop!"

OK. I've stopped now.

There is probably only one good thing about the awful Aussie slogan. It may end up being remembered when all the rest are forgotten.

I recall speaking to Olympic 400 metres silver medallist Roger Black at London's Olympia when he was helping launch the two atrocious London 2012 mascots, Manlock and Wendeville. Or was it Wenlock and Mandeville?

Anyway, as there had been a mascot at every Olympics since the 1972 Munich Games, and as Black had himself competed in two Olympics, the Barcelona Games of 1992 and the Games in Atlanta four years later, I asked him which mascot he remembered out of all of them.

"Er..." he replied."What was it in Barcelona? I think it was a cat..."

Sadly he was wrong here, as the Barcelona mascot, Cobi, was a dog.

Pressed on the subject, Black could come up with the only definite answer - World Cup Willie. Yep, the World Cup mascot from 1966 - the year he was born.

Branded sports memories tend not to stick. Perhaps, 50 years from now, people will still chuckle when they recall the slogan which has made Australia's football followers hopping mad. Then again, perhaps not.

Mike Rowbottom, one of Britain's most talented sportswriters, covered the London 2012 Olympics and Paralympics as chief feature writer for insidethegames, having covered the previous five summer Games, and four winter Games, for The Independent. He has worked for the Daily Mail, The Times, The Observer, The Sunday Correspondent and The Guardian. His latest book Foul Play – the Dark Arts of Cheating in Sport (Bloomsbury £12.99) is available at the insidethegames.biz shop. To follow him on Twitter click here.